I speak a firm counter stance on this and lay down strict parameters for those I am working with. There are only two.

1. All intention/healing/prayer work MUST focus solely on ourself
2. IF it is for another, direct, explicit consent must be obtained first
   *limited exception for pre-pubesent children

More often than not, these ethical parameters are met with resistance. Sometimes it is simply a matter of considering how to reframe a situation to focus on our own involvement only. The person who wants their partner to love them more (or differently) can shift their intention to simply feeling more love, for that is the root. In a card reading or healing session, instead of looking at what is up for another person involved, looking instead at what areas or energies the querent needs to navigate or adopt. It might even just be a matter of conditioning to take care of others before one's own self.

The part I really want to speak to however is the hard truth that we can't assume to know best simply because our compassion is engaged. Humans are incapable of fully understanding the complexities, intricacies, and ramifications of any given event, particularly as time unfolds or the different realms it may affect. Heck we can't even see a full range of light and colour. Not even hear a complete array of tones and pitches. Yet a common consensus appears to be that we can freely impose our will over another when we think it is for their "highest good" or that asking the person's "higher self" or "spirit guides" for permission makes it okay. Perhaps even we double check later with that person to find they appreciated it, providing fuel for justifying this habitual response.

Myself? I believe this way of thinking to be out of integrity and dare I say, downright sloppy.
Let me explain by sharing a few true stories:

• A friend of mine made the challenging decision to leave the church of their family and community for their own well-being and alignment. It is not the sort of decision made lightly and requires great strength while also feeling very tender. Remaining members of the church, believing they were acting for the highest good, set about a concentrated prayer effort for their return. My friend not only had to painstakingly rebuild personal beliefs and support systems, but also deal with a strong counter energy to their well-being.
• A social media plea for the safe return of a runaway teen received hundreds of supporters invoking reunification while not considering the damage staying in an abusive home environment might have. Of course, folks often don't know or refuse to acknowledge how bad a situation might be and assume being home with parents automatically means safety.
• For myself, I have shared with friends and within gathered circles that I was dealing with certain chronic ailments during check-in or while catching-up. "This is where I am at" sort of thing. In my practice I engage with many people, tracking and tending through energetic and spirit realm spaces. I cultivate a sensitivity of perception which requires managing streams of unseen influence in a good way and I choose the healing practitioners that I visit carefully and sparingly. When one, a few, or a group of people decide to send me energetic healing or start adding their own intentions as a kind help, it actually becomes more for me to navigate. Despite being well meaning, it can overwhelm my nervous system, increase pain, and inadvertently counteract carefully refined work.
• I host an annual talisman making gathering for intention setting. We begin by discussing the two ethical boundaries and give ample time to each participant to reframe and refine their intentions down to it's very root essence and to keep things focused on themselves. Periodically I have found later that one or a few people went ahead and added in additional intentions that were in direct contradiction to these two codes of conduct, bringing in spouses, adult children, or close friends. Once it even directly included myself even after I clearly expressed refusal ~ because they wanted to anyway. I didn't know until much later and honestly, I believe it had an impact in how the months following unfolded in my personal life.

You may be familiar with the story of the man who helped a butterfly emerge from its cocoon. Essentially the butterfly could not fly because its wings had not developed the needed strength provided by breaking free on its own. I am not one to "love and light" anyone's hardship, or tell someone in the thickest dark night of the soul that "everything happens for a reason", but I also wont deny someone the transformative insights or strength of character that can only be found in our broken places. Who am I to impose my Will on another person's situation without their knowledge nor direct consent? No matter how rotten, no matter the suffering, how would I know that isn't the divine plan, pre-chosen soul path, or the exact poison needed to deliver the most potent medicine? What if our collective prayers inadvertently remove a stepping stone leading to their best life? most suited partner? invaluable wisdom? Is it okay to infringe on another's free will because we tag on "for the highest good"? What if their higher self says Yes but they themselves say No? Are we 100% certain we haven't projected our desire to fix into that divination? Is it enough to go against a conscious dissent? 

What can we do?
Inquiring if someone is open to receiving your prayers or healing intentions, even if you have been friends for decades and you've done it a million times, shows respect and integrity. Every situation is different and what may have been okay before may not be this time. If it is someone you don't know well, or has beliefs other than our own on such matters, pay attention to the language used in asking for consent. If they think healing energy or divination readings are too "woo-woo" or aren't real, see if an equivalent that makes sense to them can be found. Even if it is something like, "Do you mind if I imagine you free from this challenge?" or "Are you okay with me meditating for an answer on this?"

It might be inappropriate or impossible to ask for consent leaving us with an uncomfortable feeling of "doing nothing", and sometimes we just have to sit with that. I like to check in honestly and ask myself if I am able to trust in knowing they have their own wisdom, their own senses, and their own journey in a matter or if I might actually be doubting or accidentally being condescending toward their natural abilities. Simply regarding, noticing, and appreciating someone is a powerful act. Quantum physics shows us the impact an observer can have in situations of all kinds from particle waves to ph levels of water. We aren't doing anything beyond witnessing something already present like their tenacity or the light of their life force. 

What about the exception I mentioned for young children?
I recognize that small dependent children turn to their parents for all of their needs and it is up to us to draw on our skills and supports to do so. Whether it is applying aid during an illness or keeping them safe. It is expected of us. Wanted. Needed. Prayers and healing work included. I say "limited exception" because in my experience folks tend to want to push those boundaries toward pubescent and full grown adult children or stretch into areas that are life or behaviour controlling. Removing a troublemaking friend of theirs during a fire ceremony is different than praying for their ability to make wise choices. It can be exceptionally difficult for parents to honour a child's autonomy, resiliency, and need to make their own way through the dark woods. It can be hard to know when it is right to hold their hand, when we should stand beside or behind, and when to plain stay out of it. Clarity is good. Ask them.

This has been a long one. Much gratitude to readers who have made it this far. It is an area that I am passionate about, aim to follow, and am quite firm on since it comes up so often in my work and gatherings. Of course it is not always appropriate to broach in the heat of a moment either. It was time to put it all in one place and share out from here.

Today's podcast guest, Juliette Woods, is an incredible mix of mystic, mother, spiritual guide, creative, and earth spiritualist. 

In our conversation we talk about...

• The concept of a 'slow-cooked' life and regenerative self care 
• Tending to ourselves by tuning into our innate capacities, seeking emancipation from the paradigm of overdoing
• The recognition that we are re-learning how to be in circle and the balance between patience, openness, compassion, boundaries, and...well, we'll figure it out eventually! 
• Considering what is means to 'hold space' or be 'sending' energy to someone #gettinspiritual #woohoo
• Recognizing the places we need to perhaps reclaim ourselves
• Cultural appropriation and a gentle invitation to be ever more vigilant with our language
• Making conscious transformations in your business - even when it's a bit challenging
• Being in service to LIFE through acts of connection and contemplation (and some good ole ironic humour) and Juliette's photo project and 'devotion of trash removal on the West Coast of Canada', Lost & Found. Please Claim.

We cover a lot of ground in this long-form conversation that feels like a lengthy stroll down the beach on a drizzly day...picking up wise little stones...giving the selkies a wave hello and wink or two...remembering the seal skin tucked away in our own closets.

To support this podcast :
You can engage in reciprocity with this show by supporting me - Amber Samaya - on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ambersamaya

An Initiatory Experience
An initiation marks a distinct time of "before" and "after". The kind of experience that, at its extreme, will feel like a complete life over-haul, almost like we have been reborn or achieved a new level of depth/height in awareness. Everything is somehow different or has shifted in a fundamental or cellular way.

Often it is a rite of passage, deep ceremony, intense personal medicine work, vision quest, or healing event that creates a significant shift in the way we relate to and experience the world. It steps us into a new phase of life or welcomes us into a community previously unavailable to us. It applies also to unplanned events like serious illness, accident, or tragedy, as well as natural life stages such as birth, puberty, menarche, labour/birth/parenthood, coupling/uncoupling, menopause, eldership,  and death.

As I have learned it, there are 3 distinct phases to an Initiation.
Severance. Threshold. Integration.
Others may have different names or words to describe them, but the essence seems consistent in my experiences and observances so far.

​Severance
The preparation phase. This is the lead up to the experience, and is when the healing work actualy begins. Sometimes as early as the moment when we commit to the opportunity. We go through a phase, consciously or not, of acts of letting go of our life as we know it, saying Goodbye to all that is familiar, releasing our grip on the anchors that make us feel stable - patterns, beliefs, relationships, perceived goals and desires, daily constructs, ways of relating, ways of being, ways of thinking - and cutting all ties to the way things are.

If you recognize you are in the Severance stage, you can support and deepen this process by:

• Bringing awareness to the phase you are experiencing
• Observance. Take notice of what theme is present. What situations might be at hand that bring you to this crux time? Are there synchronicities that you are noticing?
• Mindfully acknowledging the last time you touch something before you head off. That when you see it again, you will have a new perspective and be fundamentally changed from holding the medicine and wisdom of your experience. The same for when you see someone for the last time before you go. Part with them in a meaningful way. You are releasing all that "has been" to make way for the more harmonious.

Threshold
This is where we cross over from the "before" to the "after". It is the Experience that changes us or the culmination of experiences that leads us to a pivotal threshold or doorway to step through. It may be marked by ceremony, ritual, vision quest, dark night(s) of the soul, a period of deep healing, or it may not even be fully recognized while in the thick of it - particularly when without the witnessing of community or when the experience(s) are viewed as trauma without resulting gifts.

When in this stage, you might support and deepen the experience by:

• Bringing awareness to the medicinal purpose of what you are experiencing. This is the dissolved, mush state of the not-yet-butterfly caterpillar in the cocoon phase.
• Being gentle with yourself
• Allowing the experience of ALL the feelings, sensations, thoughts, and flashes of intuition and vision. All the emotional highs and lows. All the physical discomforts and tangible revelling. Treating it all with the same level of honour and holding them lightly to more easily pass through and transform.
• Be wary of distraction. If at home this might look like Netflix binging, busy work, social media, imbibing in alcohol or unhealthy use of plant medicines, or otherwise keeping your awareness away from the raw and present. If away in ceremony, it might look like excessive note taking, or hours spent journaling. Perhaps checking the clock, talking to other participants, deflection with humour (not to be confused with healthy levity),  fidgeting or movement without purpose
• If fasting or a dieta is not part of your Threshold, eating foods that feel "clean" in your body and drinking plenty of water or herbal teas
• Draw on your personal spiritual practice. Seek council with elders and spirit guides alike. Rely on tools that are tried and true for you

Integration
Often considered the hardest part, and sadly too often overlooked - integration occurs when we are able to Return to our usual life and keep the gifts we have acquired intact. We are challenged with bringing our internal shifts outward to affect change in our day-to-day living and resist falling back into old ways of thinking, reacting, and being. Many times this transition isn't easy, might be messy, and perhaps feels a bit chaotic as things shake up in order to fall into more harmonious places. Touching in with any community, elders, or teachers that held us through the Threshold phase can be a wellspring of anchoring resources.
​
When in this stage, you might support and deepen the experience by:

• Making hard choices and having tough conversations. The theme or situations identified during the Severance phase is a clue here, notice if things intensify into intolerable levels and create the urge or push to make significant changes. You don't have to rush or force this one. If it happens, it will organically and deep down you will know what the answer is even if your mind wants to argue or complicate it.
• Keep reflecting back to the insights and medicines retrieved during the Threshold. Trust the work has already been underway and you are halfway there, or almost done.

A few years ago I wrote some practical, hands-on, tips and suggestions for integrating the medicines from the Threshold, and bringing all of the unseen, personal, inner work Out into our mundane living experience. If you would like more on the Integration phase, find yourself post-ceremony or have recently undergone a personal healing session, please read "Integration ~ the often overlooked time after soul-work".
If you would like personal and direct support as you move through any of these stages, you are welcome to send me an email at info@3foldbalance.com or book a consultation.

7 Steps to building a Community Altar practice:

1.) Consider where your Altar will be and the length of time it will remain active. Helpful questions might be; Will your Altar be indoors or outside? Are you ready for a permanent feature in your home or will it be created only for a short gathering? An Altar is created with careful energetic intention on a designated surface - so choose a location that is easy to access and encouraging for you to tend to. Perhaps more than one person will actively tend to the Altar on behalf of the community - you get to cultivate this practice to suit your needs as well as those seeking to be included!
2.) Ponder the essential quality the Altar will be designed to represent and radiate. One might choose to support people’s hearts, invoke the sense of being held in the hands of divinity, promote their safety, clear ancestral wounds, encourage physical health, or tend to a need in the community that you identify with and relate to from  your lived experience. 
3.) Every item that makes up the Altar will be carefully selected and geared to contribute to the chosen energy and purpose. Consider them as energetic or spiritual ‘power houses’ such as specific crystals, images of deities or photos of deceased relatives, stones from significant and relevant places, plant medicines or dried herbs, all of which carry or support the chosen intention. An Altar brings together the individual energies of the objects with your aim to create a unified energy source that continues to “work for you” once set.
4.) Decide how you will represent people who want to be included. You might light a candle on their behalf and speak their name for long distance support or if they will be physically present you might ask them to bring a stone, photo, or personal item that resonates with their individual energetic imprint.
5.) When you have spent some time becoming familiar with the energy of the Altar, are clear on its intention and comfortable with tending to it; extend the invitation to your community to be included. One might offer to individuals who are already asking for support, post a general invitation on social media, or verbally encourage participants at a gathering you are offering.
6.) Be sure to hold the work your Altar is doing with utmost respect. Do not allow others to put random objects on it, keep it clean and organized, spend time in quiet reverence there, and perhaps move things around or change up the items to keep the energy fresh. You might sing devotional songs, make offerings, or speak invocations and prayers while tending.
7.) It is important to remember that as a working energy source, there are also times of rest needed. We can provide this rest by periodically laying a cloth over it and by dismantling it when no longer active. Blessing and cleansing the items with sacred smoke is also something to be mindful to do when the energy begins to feel “stale”. If out-of-doors in a public area, be sure to thank and close the Altar by removing personal items after each time of tending.

Tips to remember:

• Do what works for you. This practice is an act of service yet it is vital to not let it draw too much energy from you and become a burden. Make this as easy and enjoyable as you can.
• When I include community members, I envision them glowing with their own divinity, in their "highest healed state", or full of vibrancy and joy. We want to invoke wellness and not focus on any ailments or troubles that they may have shared with you.
• Be certain to only include people you have direct expressed permission to include. Generally parents of small children can speak for on their behalf as kids tend to ask their parents for help in any matter, however, we must be diligent to not assume for others. If someone is nominating a sick friend, or loved one going through a challenge - be sure they have specifically asked and received direct consent from them. It is unethical to infringe on another’s free will, even when we think we are helping. We cannot assume a best course of action for another no matter how one might 'justify' it or how strong it tugs on our heart strings.
• Draw on your interests or ways of working that you are excited about bringing into your practice. Crystals, herbs, plants, bones, images, stones, your own art, can all be brought into your Altar creation. Use your intuition, or tune in to the energies when choosing items. This is an aspect to cultivate and explore!
• If you have children with you, don’t be shy to include them. My children automatically know when candles are lit on the Altar set to the essence of the Divine Mother, that there are people asking for support. Sometimes they ask to light their own candles or whisper words of encouragement for those represented. It has simply become a normal, devotional act of compassion in our household.
• Remember you need not go out and buy anything fancy! A simple cloth on a shelf with a few items that you already have or find in nature is all it takes. 

An example of a simple yet powerful Altar as an inspiration for your own might be to dedicate it to the "Good Neighbours", and include a central rose quartz sphere representing your love and appreciation for house sprites. Perhaps a fairy quartz in included with the points radiating outward and interlaced with small images of Fairies that are particularly attractive to you. You might decide to work with the creative, impish energy of this space by reciting a daily invocation stating your desire to connect with the Fae, Brownies, House Elves etc on a more reciprocal level. This could be helpful in homes where items regularly, and inexplicably, go missing or when it feels like your house is "playing tricks" with you. Visitors to your home who would like the same intention could be welcomed to leave shiny coins, milk, oats, or chocolate as gifts on the altar when they come for tea with you.

Another example might be an altar for our Grandmothers, perhaps created on a piece of lace at a Samhain gathering. Adorned with an inherited favourite tea cup, some black and white photos, and a brooch your Great Great Grandmother wore. These would establish the connection to matriarchal lines and brings in their energy. If the intention is to heal a history of abuse for our Ancestors, including crystals that transmute dense energy, repair heartache, and impart strength placed with the intention of safely surrounding the Grandmothers creates a powerful healing purpose. Guests could then bring their own photos, heirlooms, and written prayers for healing their lineages.

You might be surprised how many people ask to be included and share with you a real, felt sense of being supported. The simple act of someone caring is a profound sentiment let alone the supportive medicines included with, and invoked by, your Altar practice. It's free, takes little time, creates a strong feeling of community, and isn’t impeded by distance. I invite you to begin and have fun!

If you would like more in-depth wisdom to explore about Altars & Shrines, the differences between the two, their purpose, nuances, and best practices, it is a topic we cover during the first month of the Return to Reverence immersion program and continue to work with throughout.
​Registration opens each June and we begin each October.
Do you have Altars ALL over the house? Here is something to consider that is often overlooked.

This video is a beautiful example of how the medicine gifts we bring to our Healers, Teachers, Facilitators, and Practitioners supports their work continuing for the community.
The dollars we pay is the energy exchange to keep them and their families alive, housed, recognizing their years of training, skills, and continued education, while compensating for their time - much of which is unseen by their clients, students, or members.
Medicine gifts, such as the sacred Peruvian tobacco used in this clearing, may be the only way to ensure certain ceremony or healing work is done. In many lineages, the facilitator is never to purchase such medicines, it must be grown, harvested, or gifted. Such gifts also honours their lineage, their teachers - both spirit and human, and the medicine ways themselves.
Without this gift of tobacco, this particular clearing and the ceremony to the Airts (directions) before it would not have occurred. It is a blessing to the community to receive such, and a sweetness to me to be entrusted and supported in this work. Many of the flowers I use in my offerings, and the herbs used for our smoke cleansing ceremonies have also been gifted during gatherings or even sent in the mail! <3
Don't think this way is only for the spiritual helpers in your community, gift your chiropractors, doctors, massage therapists, professors, mechanics, even your baristas! What would support them in supporting others? What would honour their time and skill?

Many have been called to support and respond to the wildfires in BC these past weeks. We have options open to us ranging from donating money to feet-on-the-ground, hands-on help. There are also many of us who have been working with prayers, healing work, and energetic support. Here I share a guided healing response that all of us can experience and contribute with. This technique is mindful of free will, respects the natural elements, keeps our "ego" in check and makes a measurable difference. You can bring his way of working into your day-to-day living, respond to other events, and include it in your practice, daily commute, or community offerings easily and powerfully. Bless!

I felt it as a student, I see it with colleagues, and I hold it as a teacher - there is a new aspect to the modern teacher/student dynamic that was unheard of in times of yesteryear.
The traditional way of a medicine person, shaman, bean feasa, etc etc was to study with one teacher for a number of years, become an apprentice, endure their and Spirit's sometimes harsh teachings, wait your turn, and integrate the medicines learned over time. Always showing utmost respect, learning as ready to, and mastering one's craft after much diligence.
Today those who seek to dive deeper into their spiritual practice have wave upon wave of seductive workshops, a plethora of fantastic books, online focus groups and videos abound. We live in an excellent time of sharing and availability. It's accessible. Great event coordination can happen. One can pick and choose who we like best, and who to give our precious time to. If we don't like what we hear, well, there is a book at the local occult shop we might like better.

The trouble is this, this sense of urgency. With so much in our western modern world being instant gratification and with great selection, we can easily lose respect for a Teacher and hurry our learning along - because frankly, most of us are starving for something deep, soulful, purposeful and personal. And then we want to share it and "become" useful.

This is how it seems to look...

• Student is LOVING the work, super keen, and wants to know all the details (awesome!) asks their Teacher for more guidance on a subject and receives a, "Not yet". Student gets miffed and goes to Banyan or Indigo for a book on the subject.
• Teacher offers a carefully timed, in-depth, medicine offering. Student is excited and jumps ahead in the program, signs up for workshops or watches videos on those topics.
• Student registers for various similar training at the same time, undergoes different healing modalities, and starts working with multiple teachers, facilitators, instructors. These facilitators may or may not know of all the other work being done simultaneously.

Usually, the student doesn't even realize they are doing it, they are just keen and soaking up as much as they can. Sometimes they do know, and like a child asking the other parent for a treat after being told no, actively seeks out what they feel is being withheld from them.

In traditional settings, an apprentice would never think to go to the next village over and ask a different medicine person if they didn't like their teacher's answer. To do so would end the student/teacher relationship and potentially kibosh any future relationships with other teachers. There was a trust in right timing, that things weren't withheld as a power play but for safety.

As a teacher, there may be many reasons why a question is not directly answered, or skipping ahead would be discouraged.

• A common thought is that once someone is exposed to an aspect, if they aren't fully trained in it, they may encounter significant dangers. That exposure opens them up to intense situations they may not be ready for.
• Other times topics are addressed building on top of one another, setting strong foundations first before moving into advanced levels.
• Often the motivation behind a student's driven yearning is not one of self development and healing but purely for career gains, which in itself may be part of the lesson.
• Then of course there is the issue of conflicting methods, alternate ways of working, and different value systems - which are fantastic but often confusing when one is looking for clear direction.
• Some teachers are distanced from their students and their actions. Some hold them too tightly and micromanage. Many though are mindfully, energetically caring for each student, supporting them in cultivating their own experiential knowings, and are involved with emotional, spiritual and practical support. When unknown work is being done or too much work too fast occurs, breakdowns and overwhelm easily follow. 
• When one has worked for years co-creating a personal medicine way, sometimes the sharing is free and easy, other times it is too deeply personal of a relationship. It might be how to create a specific elixir,  which herbs were being burned during a healing session, or a ceremonial process. Sometimes when we aren't told "how to", it not only protects that person's medicine way, it also frees the inquirer to establish their own deep and personal relationship in a manner that resonates as truer than if they were simply told about it.

For me as a student this unfolded when I naturally discovered how well channeling Reiki while in a shamanic journey went together for me. Shortly after, I found a book on melding various traditional shamanic healing techniques (that I hadn't been taught and trained in yet and didn't know were coming) with Reiki energy work. When she found out, my teacher at the time strictly did not allow me to blend the two modalities until much later when my apprenticeship was ending and it appeared again, unfolding as a personal medicine way for me. Initially at the time however, I was shocked, dismayed, and confused why I couldn't pursue an aspect I felt really called to and natural about. I had to trust her. Trust that spending the time to deeply get to know my shamanic practice separately held significant value (it did) and trust that I came to study with her to set a solid foundation to expand on through personal experiences over time. It's true. Learning something through doing it "the long way" holds a deeper knowing. When I experienced the intricacies of the shamanic techniques and saw the dangers that could be encountered - I understood. Now the two modalities seamlessly come together within a session, my guides support the energy work when its time for it and spontaneously attuned me to frequencies other than Reiki during an initiation period. Now when energy work is happening within a journey I can differentiate its source and purpose. Sometimes different things can appear very similar.

Yep, I could have asked another teacher what they thought about it and searched for confirmations. I could have trusted the book instead. I could have trusted what my guides were showing me at the time - and likely would have had a rockier road to getting where I am today. This path is not known for its "smooth sailing" after all.

As a teacher, these situations call for delicacy as well as trust. Trust in our work, in the student, trust in right-timing and the ability of both participants. Trust that our ego isn't driving the boat in deciding what should or should not be for another. Trust in the student as a creative, resourceful and whole person. Trust in the balance between holding and guiding a being of free will, or being too controlling or nonchalant about it. And the delicacy to be able to sometimes say No without tearing away at that trust.

A most important cue for both sides - is a sense of urgency. When either participant is acting on feelings of urgency, that is a big cue to step back.

Whether a student or teacher, I wish you blessings on your slow cooked processes.