4 Inquiries and Self Agreements for surviving in a burdened world

​Many of us feel deeply moved by compassion and are driven toward righting injustices and systematic mistreatments toward our fellow humankind, the animal and plant kingdoms, and our planet on both micro and macro scales. Being aware of and keeping informed on atrocities, can at times become incapacitating. They may pull our heart strings into uncontrollable anger, cloak us in depression, occupy our mind until we think only of hardship, or become a self imposed tool of measure that invalidates our personal hardships and devalues our joys. Sometimes these knowings leave us feeling as if two distinct realities are at play among us; “those who know and care” and “those who don’t”, and it is very common to experience helplessness, hopelessness, frustration, isolation, and become completely exhausted. How then do we continue our endeavours to live as agents of harmony and activate the righting of wrongs?

I offer up four in-the-moment inquiries and personal agreements to support navigating living in an over burdened world. They are suitable for empathic sensitives, peace creators, activists, change makers and informed dreamers alike and are intended to ensure our energy and focus stays efficiently placed. When overwhelmed with emotion and choosing how to proceed when facing a travesty or injustice, be it smaller scale within a personal or family dynamic, right on up through to larger scales of country, entire peoples, or earth as a whole, these reflections and commitments are designed to be a dependable support.

1. Inquiry:
   Am I able, in this moment, to affect change or give support to it?
   This would be any immediately actionable tangible doing; cooking for a meal train, writing or phoning a politician, physically standing with someone in a conflict situation, creating something to donate toward fundraising efforts, or collecting resources or crisis support information into a shareable document. Anything that we are able to actually do to help. If we are unable to, or do not act but keep ruminating on the pain or injustice, we may easily spiral into hopelessness or feelings of insignificance, become ineffective, and over time perhaps find ourselves quite unwell.
   
   Agreement with Self:
   I either act or I release.
   If I am unable to act in this moment, I agree to release this burden, even if only temporarily.
   
   
2. Inquiry:
   Is there something within my reach that I have capacity to tend to?
   There are two parts to keep in mind with this one; the objective here is to foster a sense of compassionate caregiving while also maintaining or replenishing our energy reserves. The actionable component may or may not be related to the situation of concern and our capacity in any moment may fluctuate widely. This means our tending action might look like shutting off the computer and restoring ourselves with a nap, it might be playing attentively with a small child, offering to listen to and hold space for someone in crisis, picking up litter on a walk, or creating a plan for when inquiry number one is applicable. This self exploration is particularly helpful when we are unable to tend directly to the situation of concern or to avoid burn out while directly change making.
   
   Agreement with Self:
   Always tend within my capacity.
   I agree to include my wellbeing in any life affirming acts that I choose.
   
   
3. Inquiry:
   Is there a sense of urgency?
   When we feel a sense of urgency, it is easier to react rather than respond. We are more inclined to make hasty decisions, follow "group mentality" into unsavoury situations, emit hostile emotions or language toward others and ourselves, think less logically, and over activate our nervous system which then may trigger PTSD, anxiety, depression, OCD, intrusive thoughts, or any other personal tendencies that we have when under stress. While there may be critical timelines or an active situation unfolding, calming any sense of urgency before choosing how to respond better serves the world around us as well as ourselves. A helpful rule of thumb is to wait a minimum of three days, whenever possible, before engaging further. Deescalating in this way gives time and space to safely discharge strong emotions, let racing thoughts settle, and then sift out what remains as a constant in how we feel and think about it instead of only being informed by charged immediacy.
   
   Agreement with Self:
   My response comes without urgency.
   I will seek to create space and agree to process and gather myself before responding.
   ​
4. Inquiry:
   Am I able to respond and act in a way that all involved feel empowered, honoured, supported, and bolstered?
   Without this inquiry, we are more likely to unknowingly undermine efforts at hand. In other words, our help may not be actually helping and perhaps create damage that we don’t see. If we lose sight of another’s innate wholeness, wisdom, and ability, we may fall prey to “saviour” mentality that creates division, insults those we seek to support, or set up more complex scenarios of disadvantage. An example would be building housing in another country that doesn’t fit that culture’s social structure but suits our perception of what is needed; inadvertently decimating traditional ways of living and relating within the community. Another example stems from tourists giving financial donations on the streets of impoverished areas accidentally creating a situation of dependance that has lead to visible physical harms of children in order to further elicit visitors’ compassion. Or taking over a marginalized group’s social justice cause in a manner that implies they lack ability and intelligence to bring resolution. This inquiry may take careful and honest reflection, and even require research into the various points of view, needs, and history of all who are involved.
   
   Agreement with Self:
   Respect all involved.
   I stay present to grounded empowerment within all involved, and agree to look beyond my own desire help.

It is my hope these inquiries and self agreements support our compassionate abilities by giving us personal guidelines to rely on when feeling the burdens of our world. During times of sensitivity and activation it can be hard to collate how best to proceed and give ourselves permission to care for our own well being in our caring for others. Perhaps this helps.

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